Think Better

I create more content than the average person. I write for multiple publications and newsletters and have created hundreds of videos and podcast episodes that you can find around the web.

When you publish things online, you’re bound to get some negative feedback – and typically, there’s nothing wrong with that. In some ways, it can help you grow. There are also times, however, when you get hate thrown your way. Today was one of those times for me. I found some comments on a video that I created that were unnecessarily insulting. It happens.

People deal with hate in different ways. It’s easy to get angry or to fire back at people. Whenever I find myself in this situation, I remind myself it goes along with stepping into the arena and look to my mentors for advice. My favorite creators deal with negative comments and bullies on a daily basis, and many of them have written about it extensively.

Ryan Holiday, bestselling author of The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy, The Daily Stoic, and Stillness is the Key, has published hundreds of pieces online. He’s one of my favorite writers. In 2009, before he was as famous as he is today, he published a piece on how to deal with people who come at us. He writes:

“Once while Hadrian walked in the woods of a foreign country, a slave of his host ran out at him with a sword. He grabbed the man and took hold of him while he waited for the attendants who came to his aid. When it was established that the man was deranged, Hadrian asked that he be turned over to doctors and treated. And so the incident ended without the slightest agitation.”

He continues, “This is how we could all respond to the people who come at us. The passive-aggressive rivals or snippy family members or bad friends. Hand them back over to their kind before anyone is harmed and move on. Understand that they are ill in their own way and only acting out the symptoms of their affliction, whatever it may be. Soon enough, like Hadrian’s example, the reality of the threat will dissipate and all that will be left is the anecdote. If you can view it like that always, then there is no reason to be upset or shocked or rattled.”

I think my favorite part about this blog from 2009 is not just the words themselves. It’s the fact that Holiday took his own advice immediately after publishing. The post itself inspired negative feedback that you can still read in the comments section today. Holiday’s response was to move on unharmed and sell over 2 million copies of his 10 best-sellers.

That’s how it’s done. When people come at you, hand them back.

It can be really hard to let go – especially if you’ve been holding onto something or someone for a long time.

The truth is though, sometimes addition by subtraction is essential to your happiness, success, and overall well-being. I’ve spent a good portion of my time this year trying to listen to the wisdom of Toni Morrison:

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

Sometimes it feels like there’s not enough time.

I start a lot of projects. They’re all important to me, but they vary in importance. Exercise gets top priority. Growing my business shares the top spot. Getting out of the house and spending time with friends is up there, too.

What I’ve noticed is that doing these top priorities isn’t always easier when I avoid my other projects. Journaling keeps me rolling. Waking up early gives me time to reflect. Spending 20 minutes doing something creative helps me come up with business ideas. So does watching documentaries, reading books, and watching TED Talks. It’s all related.

Don’t think that focusing on your priorities means leaving everything else behind. Sometimes, your side projects compliment your main projects.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you’re in a relationship, it’s time to give yourself a pat on the back like everyone else on my Instagram feed. Or, better yet, you could not.

If you’re single, good news: tomorrow is Single’s Appreciation Day (SAD, for short). For those looking for a partner, there’s a really cool algorithm I wanted to share that you can apply to your dating life. I first read about this in the book Algorithms to Live By by Brian Christian and Tom Griffiths, a fun read for anyone looking to use math to improve their life.

Here’s what the 37% rule is, and how it can be applied to dating.

The rule can be applied to any situation where you have to screen options in a limited amount of time, and want to make the best (or most optimal) decision. It can be used when you’re looking for a house, when you’re trying to hire a job candidate for your business, or yes, to find love.

Here’s what you do.

#1. Pick a start date and an end date.

When are you going to start looking for a life partner? For the sake of this example, let’s say you’re staring your search at age 30. Let’s also assume that you want to find a partner before you turn 40. That gives you 10 years to search.

#2. Count your options.

How many first dates can you go on in that time period? If you went on 6 a year, that would be 60 first dates within the 10 year time period.

#3. Search until you go on 37% of your potential first dates.

For this example, you’d go on 22 first dates. Don’t pick a partner yet, just keep going on dates. This is crucial to the rule: don’t fall in love!

#4. After your 22 dates, start looking for someone better than all the rest.

At this point, it’s time to get serious. From your 23rd date onward, you have one simple task: Find someone better than all of the 22 dates you went on. As soon as you find someone you like more than all the dates prior, lock him/her up.

Obviously, this is a touch impractical for dating. If you fall in love, tell the algorithm to go to hell. But this algorithm is proven to be the best way to optimize your outcome. I found it super helpful when searching for a home. I gave myself a window of time in which I wanted to purchase a home, figured out the amount of open houses I could go to within that time period, and then applied the 37% rule.

And it worked out pretty good!

Keep in mind, I married the first girl I ever went on a date with – so I’m a total hypocrite for suggesting this strategy. Nevertheless, I found the algorithm pretty cool for analyzing other time-bound situations.