Reviews

What a year. When I sat down to write 32 last year, I had no clue what was about to hit us all in the face: COVID-19. To be honest, the stuff I wrote last year has been extremely applicable to this year in general, eerily so. It’s been nice to re-read it in what’s been nothing short of an insane year.

So with that, onto a year where I learned a ton. The year of the pandemic, but also the year I worked my ass off to get ahead.

1. Don’t take people for granted

Everyone learned this the hard way in 2020. I lost less than most. No family members to COVID, I thankfully haven’t contracted the virus, and my job is steady. That said, there’s been a major loss of connection with others. I used to see friends multiple times per week, but this year it’s been much less, going months at a time without seeing any friends in person. It’s been rough.

Worse than that is the time it’s been since I’ve seen my family. I saw no one in my immediate family(I suppose my wife is my immediate family now, but the family I grew up with is who I’m referencing), neither my parents nor any of my four brothers when I was 32. That’s kind of crazy. It’s a good reminder to take every opportunity to see family and friends that you can in normal times, and to be present when you do. You never know when something completely beyond your control is going to sideline you. Happiness is only as big as the people you share it with.

2. Once in a while, truth is more important than kindness

There are times when it’s more important to be honest than kind. For me, this is true when discussing things I won’t compromise on, like my livelihood, my time, and my core values. When discussing those things, truth trumps kindness. As Dr. Gabor Mate says, “Don’t soothe people’s feelings by negating your own.”

3. I’ve been blessed with a lot

I read a lot of Hemingway last year, and this quote stuck with me the most. It’s a good reminder to count my blessings and be grateful.

“I had an inheritance from my father, it was the moon and the sun. And though I roam all over the world, the spending of it’s never done.”

4. Man’s got to have a code

Yes, I watched The Wire this year, finally. It’s easily one of the best TV series I’ve ever seen. Omar’s insistence that you need to have a code, and the idea that you should never trust anyone who’s adamant in one direction about a clearly complex problem, are the two main things I took from the series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysnu2zaFT5c

5. Work in bursts

When you’re stressed, work in bursts. Set a time limit and do what you can in the time you’ve allotted. I learned this in a really great Darius Foroux article. This has helped me a lot when work piles up. I’m also working hard to get better at starting things. It’s truly half the battle for me.

6. How to help with grief

Don’t just say during grief, “If you need me call me”. Say, “Can I bring meals over on Wednesday and Thursday?” Take affirmative action. If they say no, that’s okay!

Remember: Pity isn’t purposeful. 

7. The journey is the reward

I’ve started saying “slow down, you’re here” a lot. I saw it on a road sign at a park and took it a lot less literally than it was intended to be understood. Along with being a reminder to tap the brakes, the phrase is a great reminder to be present (which in some way, shape, or form makes it onto my birthday thoughts list every year).

This Robert Louis Stevenson quote from Virginibus Puerisque (1881) drives the thought home.

“Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.”

Slow down, you’re here. To travel well is better than to arrive.

8. A yes should be a yes

And no should be a no. A yes that feels like a no, isn’t really a yes. It’s like driving with your brakes on.

When you say yes to something, be all in on it. Don’t second guess it. Live in the yes. If you say yes and live in resentment, you’re not living in the choice you made. Support yourself in all your decisions.

9. Don’t fuse thoughts with truth

Thoughts are just thoughts. They’re often bullshit. Too often we’re geared to fuse them with truth, which they most certainly are not. If our running thoughts were a person, they’d be the most annoying friend in the world. You wouldn’t want to hang out with that person and you certainly wouldn’t take what they say so seriously. Think about your thoughts in the same light. They aren’t truth. Watch your thoughts, and be sure you ask yourself what you’re believing. It’s quite possibly bullshit.

10. Let go of resentment

Letting go of a resentment is not a gift to the person you resent. It is, rather, a gift to yourself. The moment you start to resent a person, you become his slave, because you let him change you. Living with resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to get sick.

11. Pause

When you feel anger, sadness, anxiety, or fear, pause.Rather than being your emotions, be the awareness behind them.

“Between stimulant and response is a space. In this space is where you find freedom.” -Victor Frankl

12. Watch for resulting

Equating the quality of a decision with the quality of an outcome is called resulting in poker, and it’s illogical. Just because you went all-in with king-high and won the pot doesn’t make it a good decision.

Though equating the quality of decisions with the quality of outcomes feels right at times, it’s dangerous. It’s akin to driving drunk, making it home safe, and then drawing the conclusion that your decision was a good one.  Resulting leaves you unable to effectively evaluate your decision-making process. On the flip side, an unwanted result doesn’t make your decision wrong. Remember this and you’ll make better decisions in the future.

13. Be bold

In his autobiography, Bob Iger, former CEO of the Walt Disney Company, says that since the average CEO’s tenure is only 4-years, you might as well be bold. Most long shots aren’t as long as they seem. I think this can be applied to life in general. It’s short. Might as well be bold.

14. A dog will humble you

I am now on the schedule of a growing puppy and I have virtually no say in the matter. I hope it’s preparing me for being a dad, even if in a small way. Frank is helping me be a bit more selfless. A good lesson.

15. Maybe

Don’t cling to things. Don’t label events good or bad. Just live. Here’s the story of the Chinese farmer.

16. Hard work is worth it

We spent the back-half of the year renovating a house, and the payoff has been glorious. This was a challenging year, and we decided to invest our time and money into putting us in a good place for next year. At times we wondered if it was worth it, and now that we’re here, there’s no question that it was worth the work. Most hard things are.

Here’s hoping that next year’s post has no mention of pandemics. Cheers to making the best of a challenging year.

If you’ve just finished The Last Dance, you’re probably hungry for more sports content. To fill the void, Kendall Baker of Axios put out this list of the top 50 sports documentaries. It’s an excellent assortment.

My favorites on the list:

Icarus, The U, You Don’t Know Bo, Elway to Marino, The King of Kong, Pumping Iron, OJ: Made in America, The Best That Never Was.

Here’s the full article.

Every year on my birthday I sit down and write a letter to myself. It’s basically a, “Here’s what we learned last year, don’t fuck it up again this year” type of post. You can see past years here.

Without further ado. Here are the things I learned and the things that stuck with me last year.

1. The worst moments in our lives make us who we are

Health isn’t guaranteed. I spoke about this last year, but it really hit home this year as my family faced some scary times. As a result of the experience, I did a lot of soul searching during the end of the year, and one of the best resources I found was Andrew Solomon, author of Far From the Tree. Here are a few things Solomon taught me:

-You must find seedlings of joy in what looks like sorrows.

-We could have been ourselves without our delights, but not without the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning.

-If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes.

In what is the first ever Bible verse I’ve shared on my blog (I think), I found a lot of power in 2 Corinthians 12. It really drove home these ideas I’ve listed above. Here’s the passage:

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2. Comfort is limiting

This year, I left my old company and started a new one. I’d been meaning to do it for a long time, and finally pulled the trigger. I was nervous about the move – leaving a steady paycheck and fear of the unknown kept me tied to what was comfortable, even though I knew it was wrong for me. Some thoughts on comfort and taking chances:

–“Comfort is the enemy of progress.” -PT Barnum

–“Embrace suffering and avoid comfort – when you welcome suffering, nothing can take away your peace of mind.” -Darius Foroux

–“Own the story. If you do, you write the ending.” –Brene Brown

-(paraphrasing) “Some people will be miserable for seven years to avoid seven days of discomfort. Sometimes the mountain you think you need to climb is just a curb.” -Bill Burr

And finally, on the subject of leaving comfort and writing your own story, I read the Chronicles of Narnia this year so quoting CS Lewis feels like to good place to end:

–“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” -CS Lewis

3. Patience is a virtue

I learned this the moment I left my job. It was scary, but with hard work and persistent effort, the clients came.

This year I learned from James Clear that a good choice may go unrewarded for a while. The best choices tend to provide exponential returns and a hallmark of any compounding process is that the greatest rewards are delayed. I felt that this year. I had bad luck month one and it took some time for our tree to bear fruit.

Patience prevailed. I’ve set myself up for future success and have enormous pride in what we’ve built in a short period of time. This has turned out to be the best career decision I’ve ever made. Zero regrets.

As one of my favorite copywriters, Cole Schaefer said once: “Be patient. Being in a hurry is a race to the grave.”

4. Go all in

Part of the reason patience paid off for us is because we gave it our all. Here’s what Charles Bukowski says about giving things your all:

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery — isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”

5. Be present

Some form of this will probably show up in my birthday posts every year, and it’s that important. Every year I seem to view it from a new lens.

These year, that lens was through a couple of my favorite movies. I won’t go into how much they mean to me right now, I’ll save that for a later date. But quotes from these two films reminded me to stay in the moment this year.

Groundhog Day

-Where’ve you been? You’re missing all the fun.

-Ned: Where are we going? Rita: Let’s not spoil it.

-No matter what happens tomorrow – or the rest of my life – I’m happy now.

-Today is tomorrow.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

-Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once and a while you could miss it.

-You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do.

-Be a man! Take some Pepto-Bismol.

The quotes above, out of context, might not make any sense. But each of them comes at an important point of the film – when Ferris’s friend Cameron is letting his anxiety keep him from living his life, or when Phil Connors finally figures out what it means to live. So much of life is showing up and being present. If you can’t be happy today, you can’t be happy tomorrow. Or, as one of my favorite comedians Pete Holmes would put it:

“If you can’t enjoy the plane ride, the beach won’t save you.”

6. Figure out what’s essential to you

I got married this year. It was an amazing day. Seeing all of our friends and family in one place, supporting us, driving from across the province, flying from around the world…being with them was what mattered, not the flowers or the view.

Family and friends are an essential part of my life. Spending one-on-one time with my amazing wife on our honeymoon was probably the best part of my year, and it’s become very clear to me that quality time with her is completely essential to me as well.

I made a personal list of other things that I think are essential, and I’m doing my best to make them a priority and cut away the rest. I got this idea from Greg McKeown and Seth Godin.

-“Your goal should not be more, your goal should be better.” -Seth Godin

–“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” -Greg McKeown

My wife, my family, my friends, writing, reading, exercising – these are my priorities. Everything else takes a back seat.

7. Monitor your thoughts

Mindfulness has been huge for me throughout my late 20s and early 30s, and I continue to invest a lot of time into meditation. This year I really worked on recognizing negative thought patterns. If you can catch them right away, you can save yourself a ton of wasted energy.

I read The Daily Stoic every day in 2019, and one of the main principles that stuck with me is that worrying is like praying for something you don’t want. I’m working hard on noticing worry and have made gratitude a daily practice.

8. Learn to let go

One of the most important things I learned this year came from reading The Courage to Be Disliked. It’s a great book.

(Side note: I rated every book mentioned in this post 5-stars on Goodreads)

One of the key points in the book is that you should not accept other people’s tasks as your own, and on the flip side, you must not let one person intervene in your tasks. You must be true to yourself, and leave others to make their own decisions. It sounds easy, but in reality it’s quite hard. I’m definitely working on this.

It’s not, and never has been your job to fix people as you best see fit (unless they’re harming themselves or someone else). That’s their task. Taking on that responsibility is in a way, selfish. Letting go of that weight can be extremely liberating.

9. Time blocking works

The biggest victories often come from consistency. Like I mentioned above, showing up is a superpower. Whether it’s to your desk in the morning, to the gym in the afternoon, or to a side project every weekend. I’ve seen it in my own life, and I’m trying to use it to my advantage.

Time blocking has been very successful for me. I’ve used it to make things stick – working on certain projects at certain times. I’m also trying to use it to get my hardest task completed first thing in the morning. “Worst first” is a new mantra of mine.

“If the first thing you do in the morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you.” -Mark Twain

While I’m quoting Twain, this is another quote of his that resonated for me this year. It has nothing to do with time blocking, but it’s worth sharing:

“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.”

10. Remember to recharge

Going slow and going all in are related.

When you sleep, go all in on sleep. Sleep at home like you do on vacation. Rest is critical to reducing stress, and you need to make it a priority if you want to go all in on the things that are essential to you.

Speaking of vacations, when you take them, don’t stress about money or minor inconveniences like car rental line ups or overbooked flights. You’ll laugh about it and miss it when you get home.

Get a massage. Take time to meditate. Turn off the TV and read a book. Stroll without listening to anything. The “Instructions for Living a Life” by Mary Oliver are one of my favorite things I came across this year (I found them in Keep Going by Austin Kleon). It’s seven words and reads as follows:

Pay attention.

Be amazed.

Tell about it.

11. Follow your bliss

More great instructions for living a good life, and maybe the best career advice anyone could get. Joseph Campbell coined this phrase, and I try to follow my bliss as much as possible.

As you can tell by the amount of notes I took, The Hero’s Journey was definitely one of the best things I read this year.

12. Eat more plants

It turns out, they’re pretty good for you. I read The Longevity Diet by Dr. Valter Longo this year after hearing him on Dr. Rhonda Patrick’s podcast, and it’s led to significant changes in my diet. Ones that I’m happy to adopt, like more vegetables and less processed food.

13. Keep good company

Keeping bad company bites you in the ass. If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

14. Emotions cloud judgement

It’s one of the reasons I love to write. I can separate my emotions from my self and let it all spill out.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” –William Faulkner

15. Doing good makes doing more good easier

I’m going to close on this one.

Near the year’s end, I realized that doing good – whether it be acts of kindness, acts of self-improvement, or giving to others – inspires you to do more good. It’s like a snowball, it just needs a push.

Peter Jackson was given access to over 600 hours of audio and 100 hours of archival film from World War One which varied in quality. He turned it into an excellent film for BBC which was given a small theatrical release this week. I love history and was curious how Jackson would work to restore the footage so I headed to the movies.

Jackson and his team did a superb job. They decided to use the footage to tell the story of the average British soldier’s experience in the Great War. The entire film is told by the people who were actually in the war, and his team did a fantastic job of colorizing some of the footage. Jackson believed that since the soldiers fought in color, telling their story as accurately as possible was best done in color. At the end of the screening, there’s a half hour explanation of how they brought the film to life with color, audio, and good old fashioned detective work. It’s really interesting so if you catch the film, be sure to stick around afterward.

While the movie lets the soldiers speak for themselves, there are some themes that occur throughout the film. Many of the soldiers were excited to go fight, but quickly realized (along with their German enemies) that war is useless. After hearing of their victory on November 11th, 1918, the men didn’t celebrate – they asked, “well, what next?”

As many who fought in the war suggest, they were simply too far gone by that point. When the soldiers returned to Britain, the people back home didn’t understand what they had gone through. The film ends on a great example of this that I won’t spoil here.

In the end, Jackson hopes They Shall Not Grow Old encourages audiences to ask their families if they had loved ones who fought in the Great War.

Odds are, you did.

It’s a great film. Jackson turned something old that we’ve all seen dozens of times before in history documentaries into something unique. This is as close as you’ll get to knowing what it was like to fight in the Great War.

My Rating: 7.8/10

First of all, I want to stress that a lot of good things happened to me in my 30^th  year before I get too grim. I bought a home and a new car to go with it, my business grew substantially, I made great friends, traveled to new places, and picked up some great new habits.

That being said…

Turning 30 hit me hard. It wasn’t just another birthday – it felt momentous. It felt significant. It felt like a year where I would put everything together, have it all figured out, and finally put all my knowledge to good use.

That wasn’t the case. 

Almost the day after my 30^th birthday, upon writing about all that I’d learned in 30 years, I felt a sense of relief. I’d written about the most important things I’d learned, and part of me felt like acknowledging them was good enough to hang my hat on for the coming decade. Unfortunately, as it turns out, it wasn’t. 

I tripped on my own confidence and fell into a rabbit hole. The confidence led me astray. 

Thirty wasn’t so great. I indulged a lot. As my lingering health issues improved, my focus on improving myself lagged. I became less focused, less ambitious, and ultimately less present. I let instant gratification lead the way, which is never a good thing. Cognitive dissonance ran rampant. From my personal life to my work life, I was conflicted for the better part of the year. I constantly told myself that things that were bad for me were okay, which became the overall theme for the start of my third decade on planet earth. 

Instead of looking back, like I did last year, for my 31^st birthday I’m going to look forward. Here are 10 things I’m going to be mindful of this year, that are going to make 31 better than 30.

1. Let your work quietly speak for itself

Don’t oversell. Over deliver. Ryan Holiday wrote a brilliant blog about being who you are and letting your work speak for itself that really resonates with me. I don’t want to be a person who bullshits people and goes too far over his skis. I want to be the type of person who is underestimated, and who impresses people with my work – not with my Instagram bio. 

2. Make changes when necessary

I don’t want to live a life I don’t enjoy. If something or someone is draining my energy and making me sour this year, I’m going to say goodbye to it. Time is a priceless resource – don’t squander it on things that sap your happiness and don’t align with your destiny. 

3. Use the mornings wisely

I don’t get my mornings back. I don’t make up for the time lost in the evenings. When I wake up at 9AM instead of 6AM, three hours are lost forever. Use your mornings to make yourself a better person. Read, write, meditate, exercise, be grateful, draw, and work on the projects you need to explore. The quiet hours are the perfect time to work on yourself. 

4. Finish

I’ve started a lot in my life. Finishing is another story. My family motto is, “Until The End”, and it’s something I’d love to start living more consciously. Seeing things through will help me win small victories, and move onto big ones. I want to run a race in May, finish 36 books in 2019, follow through on launching some new projects, and write a bunch of long form blogs for my website. To get it all done, I’ll need to focus on finishing by having fun, being realistic, and planning properly. 

5. Track progress throughout the year

Not just in January. Not just in December when my year end goals are approaching. All year. I want to track my progress throughout 2019. What gets measured gets managed. 

6. Indulge less

Persist and resist when you don’t need to indulge. When you do need to indulge, be present and enjoy it.

7. Work your ass off – and have fun doing it

Do it quietly. Do it calmly. Do it for yourself. Your work doesn’t have to be a daily grind. It can be your passion. Create things that you love for people you love to work with, and spend lots of time perfecting it. When you’re proud of your work, you enjoy your work. Plain and simple. 

8. Live like the day is the year

How you live your days is how you live your years. Eat shitty and lay around? That’s your year. Exercise and eat healthy? That’s your year. Never act like one day doesn’t matter. Act like your day is your year – because it is. The Olympic games are now. 

9. Consume more

I’ve written in the past about creating more and consuming less. What I’ve come to understand is that while creating is extremely important, create versus consume isn’t a zero sum game. Consumption, when done carefully, can help you create more. This year I want to consume more movies, albums, documentaries, books, and articles that pique my interest – especially creatively. In my experience as of late, this kind of selective consumption leads to more creation. 

10. Give to your loved ones

I had a real scare this year with someone close to me. I also lost someone close to me. It’s led me to understand that you can’t take anything for granted – not your life, not the lives of others – nothing. This year I want to give as much as I can to my loved ones. I want to help them succeed in every way possible, and be there for them when times are tough. Helping others isn’t just good for those around us, it’s the easiest way to help ourselves, too.