Justin Kerby

Good Timber Does Not Grow With Ease

April 11, 2018 by Justin Kerby

Another one of my favorite poems. It reminds me of a favorite Scandinavian proverb: “It is the great north wind that made the Vikings.”

Good Timber

By Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees,
The further sky, the greater length,
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

Shortcuts

February 22, 2018 by Justin Kerby

Do the things you love hurt you, or help you?

This is a question everyone needs to ask themselves at some point. Sometimes the things we love the most don’t return the favor.

Take alcohol for example. I’ve been sober for 122 days due to a stomach issue, and it’s been eye-opening, to say the least. It’s led me to a point of reflection, and to really ask myself – why do I drink?

I’ve figured it out, in three words:

It’s a shortcut.

Alcohol is for when you want everything immediately. Connection, laughter, fun, relaxation, kindness, romance. We all use it in this way, and there’s nothing wrong with that if your relationship with alcohol is reciprocal.

For many though, the relationship is one-sided. Alcohol takes more than it gives.

Unfortunately, this is true for most shortcuts. Shortcuts almost always come back to bite you in the ass.

One of my biggest personal challenges has always been overcoming boredom. In my early twenties, I looked to substances like tobacco and alcohol to bring some excitement into my life. In quiet moments in my car or in my dorm room, I’d turn to stimulus for help. This shortcut came back to bite me hard.

It’s at the point where our shortcut’s become the destination that we really start to get worried. When you’re no longer drinking to build connections and are actively avoiding people in order to drink, the shortcut has officially turned sour. I found the same thing happening with tobacco. It quickly became something I needed, that I would avoid other people in order to do, as opposed to a way to kill boredom. Sneaking off to use tobacco meant that the shortcut had won. It had become the destination.

Fortunately for me though, I’ve battled my way out of a bad situation. As of yesterday, I’m officially one-year tobacco-free. I made the decision to quit after seeing bad things happen to people I care about and realizing that my shortcut had become the destination. It’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m proud to say I’m no longer taking any shortcuts in my life.

When it comes to drinking, I’m not giving it up forever. When I’m healthy again, I’ll definitely enjoy a beer or a whiskey.

One thing is for sure though – I’m not going to use alcohol as a shortcut anymore. In the long term, shortcuts lead to too many bad things. If there’s one thing I’ve proven to myself, it’s that I can have fun and love my life without copious amounts of alcohol every weekend. There are a lot of benefits that come from being sober, and I intend to keep enjoying those benefits.

No more shortcuts.

What I’ve Learned After 30 Trips Around The Sun

February 16, 2018 by Justin Kerby

30 years.

It’s been one hell of a ride so far. I’ve done some amazing things, and I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, too.

Along the way, I’ve definitely learned a thing or two. One thing I learned about myself in my twenties is that I find it extremely meditative (especially in times when my thoughts are running wild) to get my thoughts on paper, which is why I just etched 3,000 words into a notebook. After reading my reflections, and while waiting for my hand to de-claw, I started to notice some trends and figured I’d throw them up here for anyone interested in the advice of a 30-year-old who’s still trying to figure it out. At this point, I’m cool with not knowing it all. I think that’s part of the plan.

Here’s what I’ve learned after 30 years on this blue dot.

1. Find meaning

All of the other things I’ve learned on this list are in random order – but this is number one for a reason. Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning was one of the most influential things I read in my twenties. The notion that we have freedom to find meaning in what we do and what we experience even in the face of unchangeable suffering has been life-changing for me. A few of my favorite quotes:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”

This book has meant so much to me. It reminds me of another great book, Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. The main character, Louis Zamperini, feels extreme despair before he finds meaning in his terrible suffering. If you can’t change a situation, accept the challenge to change yourself and find meaning.

2. To be happy, be good

Don’t aim to be happy. Aim to be good. Aim to do good. Aim to give, and to love. The happiness will ensue.

3. Focus on your own journey

To quote from the only book I’ve read 5+ times in the past decade:

“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” -Paulo Cohelo, The Alchemist

Trust yourself, and ignore the naysayers. After all, “It’s not the critic who counts…the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”

See #4 for more of my favorite speech from Theodore Roosevelt.

4. Have a bias for action

When I took the 216-meter leap off of Bloukrans Bridge in South Africa and conquered the highest commercial bungee jump in the world, I was terrified. But a sign outside the registration office pushed me towards action. You can see it in the upper right corner of the photo that I definitely didn’t blink in below.

Whether you’re on the proverbial fence about something or a literal bridge with a bungee cord attached to your feet, lean into the fear and have a bias for action. I smile every time I think about this day.

To finish off the Theodore Roosevelt quote, which fits nicely here:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

5. Embrace creativity

In my experience, the brain can get too comfortable in its everyday surroundings. Writing, listening to new music, reading, traveling to new places, trying new foods, or just finding some quiet time to sit and ponder – whatever your thing is, embrace it. To me, no one is better on the subject of creativity than Austin Kleon:

“Be curious about the world in which you live. Look things up. Chase down every reference. Go deeper than anybody else–that’s how you’ll get ahead.”

If you need some inspiration, pick up one of his books.

6. Lean on others

Sick? See a doctor. Depressed? See a psychiatrist. Lonely? Call a friend.

Don’t try to fix all of your problems yourself. Don’t assume they’ll go away on their own. Lean on professionals, family, and friends when you need a hand.

7. Concentrate on the present

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

That quote has been accredited to Lao Tzu, though he actually never said it. Nevertheless, I think it’s spot on. Life is fleeting – don’t spend it in the wrong spot. For more advice on living in the future, see #8.

8. The fear of suffering is greater than suffering

So much of what we worry about never actually happens.

As the Stoic philosopher, Seneca said: “The man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.”

Remember this the next time you hit turbulence at 30,000 feet and start to freak out – then order a whiskey-ginger and enjoy your new outlook on fear.

9. Be accountable

Discipline and accountability can set you free. The sooner you recognize you are the captain of your fate, the better. Don’t like your situation? See #1. You missed the lesson.

Without further ado, my favorite poem, by William Ernest Henley:

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

10. Practice gratitude every chance you get

If you’re reading this, you’re blessed. Not because I’m some modern Bill Shakespeare – but because you’re clearly fortunate enough to own a computer or phone that can answer (or try to answer) literally every question ever conceived by humankind, you’re clearly in an area that has internet access, you have eyes to read, were born with a functioning brain to comprehend the words on this page…I could go on and on.

We’re all blessed. Do what you can to show gratitude every single day, and help the less fortunate along the way. This all could fall under point #2, “To be happy, be good”, but I think it’s important to keep it as a separate point for emphasis.

11. Aim to minimize your regrets

Jeff Bezos operates within a “regret minimization” framework, and you should too.

Look at your life as it sits right now. What do you regret? Be honest.

If you can’t do anything about your regrets, forgive yourself. If you can do something about them, forgive yourself – then get to work making sure that you won’t have the same regrets in the future.

Remember: the only person you need to please is your 90-year-old self. Make that old-fart happy he/she has no regrets.

Here’s to the next 30.

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Don’t Think, Just Execute

February 5, 2018 by Justin Kerby

I’ve been reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius to start off the month of February. I’m almost through it, and book eight offers some great advice for Monday mornings.

When you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, remember that your defining characteristic – what defines a human being – is to work with others. Even animals know how to sleep.

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

For many of us, waking up early sucks. It’s the first challenge of the day, and it can sway your productivity greatly. The phrase, “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” comes to mind. It might not be the wrong side, it might be that you woke up on your side at the wrong hour.

Jocko Willink, the retired Navy Seal and recipient of both the Silver and Bronze Star for his service in the Iraq war views waking up early as crucial to winning the day. “Don’t think in the morning,” Willink says. “That’s a big mistake that people make. They wake up in the morning, and they start thinking. Just execute the plan. The plan is the alarm clock goes off, you get up.”

I’m not sure that Marcus Aurelius would have agreed about using a “don’t think” approach to getting out of bed, but he certainly would approve of the results. If you want to be successful, separate yourself from the animals: wake up and get to work, whatever your work may be.

The Olympic Games Are Now

January 30, 2018 by Justin Kerby

It’s easy to put things off. To indulge. To pile everything on the plate of your future self.

I’ve been working hard to increase my willpower this month, and equally as important, my won’t power. I’m reading The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, which I’ll write more about in the future when I finish the book. For now, I wanted to write about a quote I read from Epictetus a few years ago. It’s helped me summon willpower this month on several occasions.

“And whenever you encounter anything that is difficult or pleasurable, or highly or lowly regarded, remember that the contest is now: you are at the Olympic Games, you cannot wait any longer, and that your progress is wrecked or preserved by a single day and a single event. That is how Socrates fulfilled himself by attending to nothing except reason in everything he encountered.”

It reminds me how important it is to live in the present moment. We can so easily dump that next workout, next chapter we’re writing, or next sales opportunity onto our future selves, that we need a strategy in place to tackle things here and now. At least, I do. Reminding myself you are at the Olympic Games has come in very handy. I’m currently exploring other ways to help me stay in the moment – meditating, setting triggers, and journaling has all helped. Reading from the stoics and collecting gems like the quote above in an Evernote notebook has helped my decision making immensely.